


The Itsumi Way

by Basalisk120



Category: Girls und Panzer
Genre: Erika/Miho are exes, F/F, sorry if the tags are misleading
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23679778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basalisk120/pseuds/Basalisk120
Summary: Still unable to move past her breakup with Miho a year prior and now overwhelmed by the responsibilities of being Kuromorimine's new commander, Erika realises that to truly understand tankery and make it her own, she's going to have to understand herself first, and the kinds of relationships that form between steel, treads and armour-piercing shells.
Relationships: Akiyama Yukari/Nishizumi Miho, Darjeeling/Kay (Girls und Panzer), Itsumi Erika/Nishizumi Miho, Katyusha/Nonna (Girls und Panzer), more to be added later...?
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

“Listen, Erika… We need to talk about Miho.”

Erika’s heart dropped. “Listen… I’m not gonna underestimate her again, she won’t beat us twice. Even without you here anymore.” She hoped that was all Maho wanted out of her.

“This isn’t about that, and I think you know it.” Another lurch, even worse this time. “After the finals, I spoke to her. We’ve visited each other a handful of times since. We talked through our grievances and found closure. And so far as I know, you haven’t yet had the chance to do the same.”

“Look, she left and that’s all there is to it! Maybe I was hard on her, but-”

Maho frowned at her through the screen. “You’ve got to settle this, like it or not.”

Erika hung her head. “Yes, commander.” 

“Erika.” Her voice was firm, impatient. Erika hated to hear that voice, but she really didn’t want to face this discussion. “I’m not asking you this as your commander, or even as Miho’s sister. I’m asking you this as your friend.”

“Sorry, Maho.” Erika relented. “It’s just… You know I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You’re going to have to, eventually.” Maho’s expression softened, and she sat back in her chair a little. Erika counted herself as one of the lucky few to see her without her characteristic glare. “I know this has hurt you a lot, but it’s not fair on either of you to keep worrying this wound.”

At this last point, anger finally surged up and outweighed her shame.

“On either of us? She’s the one who left me, Maho!”

Erika had been bottling this up for a while. Miho’s decision to transfer suddenly after disgracing herself in the previous year’s finals had been devastating news. But then later that very same day, Miho had taken her aside and broken her heart.

“Whether you want to accept it or not, you know why she broke up with you.” Maho’s tone was flat, matter-of-fact. It cut through Erika’s reverie like a knife, and only made her angrier.

“I would have done anything for her, Maho! We could have made it work! If she’d been ready to _try_ -”

“Erika!” Maho sounded angry now. Erika knew it wasn’t a good idea to discredit Miho to her older sister, but the words came out before she could stop herself. Maho’s quiet rage terrified her just enough to keep her quiet. “Miho left because it was her best chance at finding some real happiness.”

“Couldn’t she have been happy here? With me?” It sounded like a plea. Erika supposed it probably was, even though it was far too late and entirely the wrong person to beg with.

“Did she ever seem comfortable at Kuromorimine? Her relationship with you notwithstanding, she never liked it here. She wasn’t cut out for our lifestyle. Or our tankery.”

Erika opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She knew the truth better than anyone, even the things that Miho never felt she could tell her prodigal sister. The strict routine suited Erika personally, and Maho was her mother’s daughter, but Miho was only ever a Nishizumi in name. It had been charming at the time, with Miho so different from anyone else at the school, but it never occurred to her that it might force her to leave.

“And then,” Maho continued, “our mother disinherited her. She could not have stayed.”

“Yeah, but-”

“And the two of us made her life a misery while she tried to make new friends.”

“She needed to feel bad!” Erika replied, frantic to defend herself.

“And do you think she didn’t?”

Erika considered that for a moment. Of course, deep down she knew that Miho had to feel bad about it. The tears at the time had definitely been genuine for both parties, and she knew that Miho never could have wanted to hurt her. 

But looking at her, sitting in chic cafes with her stylish new friends, chatting and smiling in that way she’d found so hard back on their school-ship… It hurt.

“Yeah she did, but…”

“It hurt you to see her so happy?” Maho asked bluntly. Maho Nishizumi was many things, but delicate and perceptive were not among them. Those were always Miho’s fortes.

“No! Nothing so cruel. I wanted to see her happy, I really did! But… well, it hurt when she got that without me.”

“And then-”

But Erika cut her off. “And then- And then that scruffy other girl, that Akiyama, she… She’s…” She didn’t really know how to finish what she was saying. Laying it all bare like this was incredibly humiliating, especially directed towards someone she had looked up to for so long. She felt dirty for even thinking these things about Miho.

Maho did at least have the presence of mind to maintain a tactful silence.

“Do you… think she moved on too quickly?” Erika asked at last. Even now, close to a year later, she still didn’t feel like she could be with anyone else. But Miho… she’d replaced her after just a couple months. 

“Erika, I… You know I really can’t understand this kind of thing.” Maho replied. She sounded genuinely sympathetic at least. “But she’s happy, at Oarai. And she’s happy with Yukari. Have you met her?”

“No, I haven’t met her.” Erika spat angrily. “As you can probably guess, we’re not really on speaking terms.”

“And is that making you happy?” Maho asked. Erika knew she didn’t have to answer. “You’ve not been yourself since she left. But she’s happy, and she’s moving on. You need to as well.”

 _But I don’t want to move on._ Erika tried to say, but she couldn’t open her mouth. Instead, tears started to well up in her eyes. _I want to be with Miho again._

She missed her sunny smiles, her nervous laughs. The way she made every room a little brighter. Her cute hobbies and interests, such a breath of fresh air in a world of oil and steel. 

“She was my world, Maho…” Erika said quietly, hot tears rolling down her cheeks.

Through blurred vision, she saw Maho’s expression soften again, and she leaned in closer. 

“Listen, Erika… I’m sorry.” The apology hurt even worse. She felt like an embarrassment. Miho had moved on, why couldn’t she?

Erika shook her head, but the tears weren’t fast stopping. She’d been holding them back for months - Panzermädchen didn’t cry. 

Her life had ended when Miho broke up with her. Since then she’d done everything she could to keep herself busy - Tankery took up a lot of time, and in doing so she’d managed to get even closer to Maho. But here, sitting in front of her laptop, it felt like the first time she’d had the chance to stop and reflect upon it. 

Eventually her sobs gave way to gross sniffling, and she finally managed to open her eyes again. 

Maho was still there, smiling sadly.

“Look, Erika. The holidays are coming up soon, would it be possible for you to come visit me here in Germany? It’s lovely here, and I think you’d appreciate the change of scenery.”

Erika nodded her head for a moment as words slowly returned to her. “I’d… Yeah, I think that’d be good.” She smiled as best she could. “I’ll have to brush up on my German though, I don’t think the phrases we used for aesthetic will cut it out there.”

“It’ll be nice to talk to you in person again.” Maho replied, returning the smile. “I’d love to show you the panzerfahren team we have here, too - you wouldn’t believe the step up in performance we get from the tanks in the uni leagues.”

Erika smiled a little more easily now, rubbing her puffy eyes. Maho always brightened up when she talked about tanks - a true Nishizumi. 

“Don’t you miss the Tiger?”

“I don’t miss how slow it was,” Maho replied dryly. “But I hope you are all looking after it properly.”

“Actually, we still haven’t selected a new crew for her.” Erika admitted. Lots of people grew attached to their designated tanks after drilling and fighting in them for so long, but Maho had always kept her affection private. Even so, Erika had found it hard to find a crew she felt were worthy of the old commander’s tank. 

It was the same for Miho’s old tank, though the reasoning was a little different. The exiled Nishizumi’s tank wasn’t in high demand after she’d left, and even the girls of Kuromorimine weren’t immune to superstition. It felt like a bit of an insult to end up with the tank that had lost the 62nd grand finals. And now Erika had taken Maho’s place, well… Her own reasons for letting the tank gather dust in a forgotten corner of their hangars were abundantly clear. 

“I trust you to find the right crew, Erika.” She said kindly. “But you need to trust in your own authority more.”

Erika sighed, nodding. “Thank you, Co- Thanks, Maho.”

“I mean it, you know. I chose you as my replacement for good reason.”

“I won’t let you down.” Erika reassured her. 

Maho smiled as enthusiastically as she ever did, but as she opened her mouth to speak there was a knocking sound from behind her. She paused, turning her head towards a figure off-screen who said something in German with a hushed voice. 

Maho nodded once, before turning back to her screen.

“Listen, I have to go. But please, think about what I said to you earlier, alright?”

“I will, thank you.” Erika replied with a smile.

“Goodnight, Erika.”

Before Erika could reply, the call cut out and Maho was gone.

Erika sighed, rubbing her eyes again and getting to her feet. The school felt so empty without the Nishizumi sisters, and she had such a huge pair of shoes to fill.

Tomorrow she’d be running drills with the girls, and even though Maho kept telling her to find her own tankery she just kept running the same ones she’d been taught as a first year.

But tomorrow would have to wait. She crossed her room to her schoolbag, and pulled out her treasure.

It was one of those “boko” teddy bears that Miho loved so much, gifted to her as a little keepsake that she’d found herself loving far more than she’d expected to. Of course, she’d never shown it to anyone. It never even left her bag, when she wasn’t at home. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed to appreciate Miho’s hobbies, but… it would have hurt her image. 

Miho didn’t show off her bears to anyone else either, of course. At the time, Erika had felt like that justified her behaviour, but looking back, she realised that Miho had probably wanted her support and validation.

Frowning, she picked up her phone and opened her address book. 

Right at the top of her favourites sat “Miho~<3”, with all the flair she’d ever allow herself. 

Squashing her fear, she hit “call” and held the phone to her ear. 

“ _E-Erika?_ ” Miho’s tiny voice enquired through the phone.

“M-Miho!” She blurted back. “I-I… I need to talk to you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Miho**

“I-I… Yeah, it is late. Umm… I’ll talk to you again soon, okay?” Miho said quietly, staring into space blankly. 

_“Yeah, that’s… That’s fine, thanks. Goodnight, Miho.”_

“Alright… Goodnight, Erika.”

Miho hung up the phone, letting her hand drop lightly onto the bed she was sitting on. She didn’t move. 

“Miho… Are you okay?”

Yukari’s voice broke the silent spell that had taken hold of her, and she started slightly.

“I’m… yeah, I’m okay, I think.” Miho said, smiling weakly. Yukari was sitting cross-legged on the bed next to her, concern all over her expressive face. 

“Are you sure? You look really rattled! Did she say anything to you?” Yukari leaned across the bed towards her. “If she said anything, I’ll-”

“No really, it was nothing like that!” Miho insisted, raising her hands. “It was just… Really surprising. I haven’t heard her like that in ages, and… After the way she spoke to me in the championships, I thought she hated me…”

Yukari’s expression softened, and she shuffled across the bed to sit closer to her. 

“I’m really sorry it all went down that way…” She mumbled softly. Yukari struggled to always say the right thing, but Miho loved how earnestly she always tried. Instead, Miho spread her arms, and Yukari silently embraced her, head pressed against Miho’s chest.

“I know, sweetie.” 

“Why d’you think she’s calling? You think she’s feeling really bad, now your sister’s not there either?” Yukari asked, buried deep within Miho’s gentle hug.

Miho paused thoughtfully. Erika would definitely be missing Maho, and a lot of other friends who graduated.

“Or maybe she’s feeling stressed because of the added pressure?” Miho mused. “It’s a lot harder to run the tankery team than I thought, and Kuromorimine’s got ten tanks for every one of ours.”

“Could be both. Should we be worried about her?”

Miho really appreciated the sudden concern. As soon as she heard that Erika might be hurting, Yukari became so much more sympathetic. Despite her eccentricities, Miho thought Yukari was surprisingly mature. 

“No, maybe this could be good? If she gets a bit more closure, she might learn to move on from me…” Miho murmured, running her hands slowly through Yukari’s hair. It had a therapeutic effect, like petting a dog. 

“I hope so, it must be hard for her…” Yukari said quietly, muffled by Miho’s pyjamas.

“She’ll be okay.” Miho said comfortingly. “We should try to sleep though, it’s getting late.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Erika**

Erika’s alarm rang, and she switched it off after a few seconds. 

5:45am.

Erika quickly hopped out of bed and folded sheets with military precision and speed. This done, she yawned and did her morning stretches. After that, she got changed into her P.E kit and went out for her morning run. 

6:45am.

Erika got back to her dorm from her run, and took a quick shower, cold. Then it was time for breakfast.

7:15am. Erika was dressed and out of the door, ready to cycle into school. Morning practice would start at 7:30 sharp, and would consist of only light training, so that the girls would be ready for their lessons at 8:30 without needing a shower. 

Same as every day.

Classes passed robotically. It was important to be balanced in mind and body, so Erika made sure she was focussed and worked hard in academia. 

At lunch, she headed to club HQ and worked on logistics with her subordinates. The sheer number of tanks they had made repairs, maintenance and resupply an ordeal all on its own. 

Afternoon lessons passed in exactly the same way as the morning, and by 6pm, Erika was feeling tired. But club activities started at 6:15 on the dot, so she headed back to club HQ and got a coffee - black. Then she got changed into her tankery uniform and headed down to the hangar to lead drills. 

Just like every other day. 

Nine heavy tanks stood in a line in a pockmarked meadow, an intimidating mix of Tiger Is and IIs. In the distance sat a small forest, and beyond that a fake encampment sometimes used for camping and crew physical exercise. One by one, Erika inspected each one for maintenance issues. All external tools were properly contained, all tracks and wheels free of dangerous debris, and all suspensions in good working order. All tanks were to be free of dirt, and must be immaculate specimens.

Finding everything to be in proper order, she ordered the assembled crews to step back inside their tanks and took her place before her own, leading from the centre of the line. Feeling something resembling contentment at her squadron’s hard work, she hauled herself up onto its gigantic frame and took her place in the commander’s seat. Standing proud of the armoured plating, she regarded the terrain. 

“Vorwärts!” Erika commanded, touching her throat mic with one hand and thrusting forwards with the other. “Top speed, arrowhead formation!”  
The mighty Maybach engine roared into life, and the Tiger II lurched forwards. Every time she heard her beloved tank turn over, it sent a little chill up her spine, her metal monster thrumming with power as it advanced inexorably on its target.  
Everyone seemed smaller, and every problem more manageable, when viewed from the cupola of a 68-tonne tank. 

_Formation training is vitally important to retain discipline,_ Erika recited in her head, barking an order to bank their formation to the left. The terrain sloped upwards, so the tanks on that side would have to work their tanks harder to maintain their place in formation. She had to keep an eye on them, examine their precise positioning.

_Advance in perfect order…_

Tiger 211 started to err to the right - soon it would cut into the path of Tiger 204. Erika scowled and ducked back into her tank to speak to the radio operator.

“Tiger 211, you’re intruding on your neighbour. Ease left a metre.” The operator relayed her message obediently, silently giving Erika a thumbs-up. Erika nodded in reply and hauled herself back up out of the cupola to inspect the formation. 

Tiger 211 over-corrected, but Erika decided to let it slide for now, provided it didn’t go too far the other way. She had far more important concerns than 50cm.

“Spread out, assault formation. Guns ready, eyes on eleven o’clock.” Erika tried to sound as imposing and confident as possible. 

11 o’clock referred to a copse of trees about five hundred metres away, in which some dummy targets were placed. They’d been there for years, and were thoroughly beat-up from all the training shells fired at them. In a strange pang of nostalgia, Erika remembered her first time running this drill. 

_She’d been loading - everyone’s first job in a tank. In a panzer III, Kuromorimine’s primary ‘training’ vehicle. Miho had been commanding her tank. Of course she was just as new to the team as she was, but… Nishizumis got special treatment._

_“Load shell, ready to fire!” Miho cried in an unsteady voice - within weeks, squad cohesion would make that order almost unnecessary. With sweaty hands Erika complied, slamming the brightly coloured training shell into the breach and pulling her hands away quickly._

_“Fire!”_

_The deafening **boom** that came as the gunner fired shook the tank, and echoed in Erika’s excited ears. _

_“Good job guys! Perfect hit!” Miho’s not-so-authoritative voice chirped, and Erika turned back across the cramped interior. Miho was looking appreciatively down at her crew from the commander’s seat, and as their eyes met Miho beamed disarmingly down at her._

_Later, Erika would tell herself her racing heart was thanks to the excitement of her first drill, but deep down she knew better. She’d fumbled the next couple shells, and had apologised profusely after the drill was done._

Erika shook herself out of her little reverie - these girls were experienced and trained, and didn’t need the same leeway she had been given then. 

“Targets spotted!” Erika recited on autopilot. “Four shermans, five hundred metres! Slow to combat speed, load HE shells, fire at will!” 

Erika ducked back inside her Tiger II, in anticipation of returning fire that didn’t exist. The thunderous volley of 9 guns firing together came a second later. Six seconds total, a respectable time. Spotters in a panther hiding in the woods would be able to tell her how accurate the shots were. 

“Slow to firing speed, line up targets and fire at will!” She barked the second order distractedly, watching her crew robotically follow her orders. They were perfect in their execution of course, they’d run that drill a hundred times.The response was automatic, clockwork. Exactly what the Nishizumi style required. 

_You should find your own Tankery,_ Maho’s voice reminded her. Erika’s expression soured. 

She acted popping back out of her tank, investigated the dummies with her binoculars, and gave the all-clear. 

“Four targets destroyed. Good work, everyone.” 

The rest of the drill was really more of the same. Single file formation, into the trees. Spread out as soon as the terrain allowed it, search for flanking tanks. Get caught in an ‘ambush’, instruct commanders on how to face the enemy to maximise their chances of survival. Destroy the fake enemies, proceed to the final checkpoint. 

At the checkpoint came the full interior inspection, in which Erika would also be able to check the number and type of shells fired by each tank. Of course, nobody made any mistakes, and every tank was impeccable. Even Maho would give her seal of approval… Had she been here. Content with their work for the evening, Erika dismissed the squadron.

Erika sighed and checked her watch for the time. On Sunday, she’d managed to leverage permission to shut down some of the residential districts for some urban combat training. This was a pretty new form of drill, instated by Maho when she had taken command, and had proved extremely useful both in the 63rd finals and in the University Strengthened match. Miho had shown the high school circuit the benefits of guerilla tactics in cramped urban environments, so she had to assume lots of other schools would be training similarly for this year’s competition. 

She’d been given permission for a full squadron of 12 tanks - she would be taking six Panzer IIIs, four Panzer IVs and a pair of Jagdpanzer IVs. The latter’s fixed guns would have a lot of trouble aiming in those environments, so they’d need to be ready. All the crews were very green as well, which would prove to keep things interesting. 

“Commander?” A voice asked. Erika ignored it at first, lost in thought.

“Commander?” the voice repeated, a little louder. Erika stiffened with surprise, suddenly realising she was the one being addressed. A part of her was still ready to turn to Maho and wait for her response. 

She looked about herself and then down, her eyes resting on a familiar shock of auburn hair. 

“Koume?” Erika replied. “What is it?”

“I was just… wondering if you’re okay, is all. You seemed distracted in the drill just now, and… You looked like you were spacing out just now.” The last comment was much quieter than everything else, and Koume seemed to lose the ability to look Erika in the eye as she spoke.

Glancing around, Erika noticed two things: One, she was still sitting atop her Tiger II, which had long since been driven into place inside its hangar and switched off, and two: everyone aside from Koume and herself had now left. She was probably just a couple minutes from sitting in the dark.

“Oh, well…” Erika cleared her throat awkwardly. “I was just thinking about preparations for the drill on Sunday. Do you know if the Panzer III crews have repaired their vehicles after the debacle on Monday?” Erika was, in that moment, not sure if she already had the answer to this question, or if Koume was remotely the right person to ask, but for the sake of being a commander she had to appear focussed and in-control.

“Um, I’m not sure actually. I think I saw the crews of 034 and 035 working as we came in, we can go check on them if you’d like?”

Erika nodded. “Mm. Lets.” 

She jumped down easily from her tank, and the pair headed across Kuromorimine’s huge hangars, down from the heavy tank division and towards the light tanks. They walked in an awkward silence, and through the corner of her eye Erika could see Koume glancing across at her as if she wanted to say something. Erika let the silence hang,though. She wouldn’t force it out of her.

Sounds of laughter echoed out across the silent hangar as they passed rows of Panzer IIIs, and a solitary spotlight illuminating a pair of tanks clearly showed the source. As Koume’s eagle-eyes had spotted, panzer crews 034 and 035 were busy around their tanks, tools and oil strewn everywhere, and were unmistakably… messing around.

At their approach, one of the girls turned and spotted them.

_“Shit! The commander!”_ She hissed, a lot louder than she probably intended, and waved her arms at her friends. Erika recognised the loader standing atop the chassis of 035, balancing a spanner on her nose. Only now realising she had an unintended audience, she started, and the spanner toppled. It bounced off the tank with two loud clangs, before loudly clattering to a stop on the floor. For a moment everyone froze with frantic expressions on their face, some staring at Erika and others at the fallen spanner. Then, a frankly comical scene unfolded as the girls attempted to look as presentable and serious as possible, tripping over each other to look as though they had been working. 

To tell the truth, Erika found the whole thing hilarious, but tried to maintain a neutral expression as they assembled before her.

“Commander Itsumi!!” 034’s commander said breathlessly, trying and failing to wipe oil off her face. “I didn’t realise you were there!”

“Working on your tanks?” Erika asked, looking at the vehicles. 035 was up on jacks with most of its wheels removed in order to repair the suspension, while 034 was mostly just in for repainting after a friendly-fire incident had burned half a dozen shell-marks into the turret. 035 seemed to be coming along well enough, but frankly the girls had more wet paint on them than 034 did, and Erika knew from experience that it stained.

“I… Yes, commander! We were just… repairing after the exercise on Monday! And then… You know…” 034’s commander looked as if she wanted the ground to open and swallow her whole. “One thing lead to another, and we… decided to make some fun while we worked…”

Erika let her squirm under her gaze for a couple moments, before replying.

“Will you both be ready for the exercise on Sunday?”

“Yes!” Cried three more girls who looked about ready to cry. 

“Excellent.” Erika replied. She’d been 16 once, she knew how easy it was to start larking around in the evenings when all the other crews had gone home. “Don’t stay up too late, though. I don’t want the teachers blaming me if you’re too tired to work tomorrow.”

“Yes! We’ll be done soon!” 034’s commander insisted, clearly desperate to get this over with as quickly as possible. 

“Glad to hear it. Goodnight, girls.” Erika said at last, and turned to leave. She only made it a couple paces though, before a joke got the better of her and she turned back. It had been a rough day after all, she wanted to blow off some steam. 

034’s commander was letting out an exaggerated sigh of relief as Erika turned, which turned into a coughing fit as soon as she realised she was spotted.

“One more thing - we know the Oarai girls like to infiltrate other schoolships and snoop around, so please don’t do anything you wouldn’t want _them_ seeing.”

And with that she was gone, turning away quickly to hide her amused smile. It wasn’t necessarily the most responsible thing to tease the first-years, but she wanted to let them know they weren’t in any trouble while still making it known that they shouldn’t be behaving like that. 

Koume walked with her out of the hangar, and out into the evening air. Erika was surprised how dark it was already. She’d have to check their latitude later. The evening breeze was pleasant too, after the heated confines of her tank. 

“So… Are you headed back to your dorm, now?” Koume asked politely.

“Hmm? No, I’m… gonna go back to HQ.” Erika decided. She wasn’t feeling up to homework or relaxation just yet, so she might as well get some work done before she was too tired. “Just to sort some things out. You?”

“Actually, do you mind if I tag along? There’s some logistics I’d like to clear up before tomorrow.”

Erika shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

The two spent about an hour on paperwork together that evening. They didn’t chat all that much, but Erika couldn’t deny it was nice to spend the time with someone else rather than working alone. After that it was pretty late, and Erika finally felt exhausted enough to head back to her dorm. 

Home brought yet more work as she caught up with schoolwork, and all the while the allure of her phone sang in tempting tones. 

_I won’t call her,_ she reminded herself. _We said we'd speak soon, but the next day is entirely too early. Besides, what would I even say? “I just wanted to hear your voice again”? That’d be a creepy thing to say even if she was single._

_I’m supposed to be getting over her, anyway._

With thoughts of calling Miho firmly battered out of her mind, she turned her attention back to Maho, and her new role as commander. 

Something definitely wasn’t right. The idea of ‘finding her own tankery’ kept worming its way back into her mind Miho had found hers, whatever it was, and every school seemed to have its own distinction. What was she doing? 

The Nishizumi way.

Erika groaned and got up from her desk. Homework was definitely not happening tonight. With any luck, a good night’s sleep would clear her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's chapter 2!! Please don't expect them to be coming out this regularly btw everyone, I'm aiming for a weekly update schedule, I just had chapter 1 written a few months ago, and only decided to publish it a few days ago, by which time chapter 2 was already half-written!
> 
> If you're waiting on more juicy character updates and emotional breakdowns, I gotta ask you to keep being patient, and just know that it's coming soon!! 
> 
> Please hit me up if you're enjoying the story so far, I love to chat about my work!


	3. Chapter 3

“Ah, Koume! You’re early!” Erika yelled, over the rumble of her engine. 

She was just cresting a hill in the prow-side residential district. Behind her was a long section of grassland that gave way to the ship’s artificial coastline, and ahead of her was a small neighbourhood. From this angle, it was almost possible to believe they were at a seaside town, and that the sea behind the urban skyline was static. Instead, the entire town was moving at a consistent rate of 10 knots, and would be making a diversion soon to avoid storms rolling in from the north.

The week had been largely uneventful, but painfully slow. There wasn’t any practice on Saturday, so Erika had spent the whole day at home, trying to read a book but feeling terminally restless. 

“Trying to show my enthusiasm, Commander!” Koume replied brightly, climbing up out of her panzer III and waving.

Erika looked down at her own trusty Panzer IV - it was a rocket ship compared to the ponderous Tiger II, but it felt like a cramped, vulnerable little toy in comparison. 

_Miho Nishizumi destroyed a Tiger and a Centurion in one of these._ She reminded herself, placing a hand on its thrumming armour plating. It seemed impossible, but there had to be something important to learn there.

“Glad to hear it!” She called back to Koume, eager to distract herself. She banged on the top of the hull twice, and the driver cut the engine. “How do you think things will go today?”

“I’m optimistic!” Koume replied - not a common attitude in Kuromorimine. Pragmatism and practicality were their usual philosophy.

“It’ll certainly be educational.” Erika said with a wry smile, before ducking back down into her tank. The whole crew was practically sitting in her lap.

“I’m going to step outside until the recruits arrive, alright? Feel free to stretch your legs.”

“Thanks commander!” her driver replied, and the operator gave her a thumbs up. Not waiting for more of an answer, Erika hauled herself up and out of the cupola, while hatches and doors snapped open all over the tank below her. They were just as used to the space inside the Tiger II of course, so she knew they’d appreciate the break just as much as she did.

Erika wandered over to Koume’s panzer and climbed aboard, sitting down next to her on top of the turret. 

“You should have a little more faith in them, Commander! Don’t you remember being a recruit?”

“I have absolute faith in 034’s artistic abilities.” She joked. “It’s just that urban combat is going to be really important in the upcoming championships now, and it concerns me that our doctrine is to place all our light tanks in inexperienced hands.”

“Don’t you write the doctrine?” Koume asked. “And both of us are pretty experienced in light and medium tanks, wouldn’t you say?”

“I can’t just do whatever I want you know,” Erika explained, looking down the hill she’d just climbed. “We’ve got decades of tradition here. Plus, it works well! We’ve got a greater variety of heavy tanks than any other school, and only Pravda rivals us in armour and weapon calibre.”

“True.” Koume replied, but she didn’t sound like she was saying everything she wanted to.

“Plus, I’ve got to beat Oarai this year. That’s a lot of pressure, even with the tanks they have.”

 _The tanks they have._ Mostly scrap, save the Panzer IV and the StuG III, by Erika’s assessment. And yet…

“There they are!” Koume exclaimed, climbing up out of her tank to stand on the turret. Erika followed suit to get a better view. 

A mob of tanks rolled along the fields before them, steadily turning towards the foot of the hill. Their formation was nonexistent. 035 was in the lead, weaving from side to side. By the look of it, this was to prevent 034 from overtaking them. Behind them, the rest of the tanks hurtled forwards in a tightly-packed mess.

“Oh for-” Erika growled, glaring at her approaching subordinates. Sighing deeply, she bent down and opened the side hatch of Koume’s panzer.

“Headset, please. Open channel.” She asked the tank in general, reaching inside with an open hand. The headset was quickly offered up, so she put it on, crouching by the side of the tank so as not to stretch the cable too far.

 _“In formation!”_ She bellowed, before tearing off the headset and handing it back. 

The result was chaotic. 

Two of the tanks just stopped dead in their tracks, and one of them got rear-ended when a racing panzer III couldn’t react in time. The others scrambled to form a line, while also dealing with the sudden incline of the hill. Another tank didn’t set their gears low enough and stalled, and several others lurched painfully.

Erika massaged her temples with her left hand. Today was going to be a long day. 

By the time twelve tanks stood before her in line, Erika was livid. Her foot tapped a frantic rhythm on the roof of Koume’s tank, and her arms were tightly folded. She regarded them all with a powerful glower. 

Sheepishly, ten groups of girls clambered quietly out of their tank, apparently fixated on the quality of their boots. When they had all formed a rough line in front of their tanks, Erika waited for a beat of silence before speaking.

“And what was that supposed to be, recruits?” She roared, looking at 48 pairs of downturned eyes. “Do you know why we move in formation?”

The recruits were wise enough to wait for clarification.

“A twelve-tank formation moves in three staggered lines of four, with fifteen metres between each tank, so that enemy artillery cannot hit more than one tank. Each line is placed diagonally behind the one in front, to maximise the number of guns facing forward. And we place the Jagdpanzers in the middle, because they cannot protect their own flanks. Do you know why we drive in formation even when there isn’t anyone shooting at us, and when there isn’t anyone to shoot?”

48 recruits didn’t answer the rhetorical question. 

“Because, when they are shooting at us, you know exactly where you _should_ be, without wasting time _thinking_ about it!”

“We’re sorry, command-” A few voices began in unison, but Erika wasn’t finished.

“We need discipline, training and professionalism to be the best! Every one of you is in the most prestigious tankery school in Japan, and we have a reputation to uphold!”

Erika stomped her way down off Koume’s panzer. “I’ve got half a mind to cancel this drill, and have you all doing firing exercises and stripping down your tanks until midnight tonight!”

48 faces suddenly looked up at her with genuine horror.

“Now, fortunately for everyone, I’m not going to cancel this exercise because it’s too important and it was difficult to get these Sunday permits. But so help me, each and every one of these panzers had better be perfect or we’ll be using them as target practice for the Maus!”

With that, she stalked to the end of the line, Koume almost jogging behind her to keep up. The recruits squirmed to get out of her way as she began inspection.

To her relief, or perhaps her disappointment, she couldn’t find anything wrong with any of these tanks. She even gave special attention to the suspension of 035, poring over every detail with the hope to find something to criticise. But fortunately, she couldn’t find anything else to shout about.

“Alright, mount up and listen.” She ordered, climbing up onto her tank. “We’re about to do some very complicated drills, that’ll involve a lot of advanced manoeuvring and navigation. The intent will be to bring you all as close to lost as possible, to find the limits of your navigation and communication skills. Radio operators, commanders and drivers, this will be hardest on you.”

She climbed inside her tank, and regarded her crew as pleasantly as she could. Then her hand went to her throat mic once again, while the other girls scrambled into their tanks.

“And remember, this is a residential district. It’s mostly emptied and nobody will be leaving their houses, but you’re all very much on display, and are representing us. Please don’t let me down.” With a great deal of mental effort she resisted the urge to add ‘again’ to the end of her sentence. 

Erika took three deep breaths to calm her nerves and give the girls behind the chance to get set up. 

“Alright, tight formation, three metre separation.” 

How much worse could it get? Surely after a chewing out like that, they’d all be on their best behaviour?”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Panzer 022, _where_ are you?” Erika yelled into her mic.

“I don’t know, we’ve never walked down this way before! There’s just houses!” Came the panicked reply from 022’s radio operator. 

“Grid coordinates, _please!_ ” she begged. Never had she predicted things could go this horribly. The commands were complicated, of course, that was the whole point. It required relaying a lot of information between a lot of tanks, the formation of four teams, and a bit of creativity when the terrain proved different to the maps provided. Erika remembered that she’d enjoyed the challenge the first time it had been posed to her. 

But now, she was sitting at the rendezvous, and only Koume’s panzer had made it through the gauntlet. She sighed and popped open the hatch, getting to her feet to talk to Koume personally. Seeing Erika get out, she did the same.

“They can’t _all_ be this bad, right?” Erika asked, feeling a little desperate. “It’s not me, is it?”

“It was a pretty advanced exercise for such new recruits…” Koume began. “But I really did expect more of them to make it.”

“That’s where optimism gets you.” Erika grumbled. “Alright, you stay here, I’ll head back in to start rounding the teams up.” She made to leave, but Koume put her hand out.

“Before you go- what are you planning on saying when you get them in?”

“I hadn’t thought that far ahead.” She admitted. “Any choice words?”

Koume shook her head. “Just try and go easy on them, okay?”

“I promise not to court-martial anyone.” Erika replied, half-joking. Then, into her mic: “Alright, all tanks: if you’re lost, stay put. I’m calling the operation off, so stay where you are and we’ll come and get you.”

Finding everyone in the end took almost as long as the original operation was supposed to. As it happened two of the Panzer IVs and three of the Panzer IIIs made it back to the rendezvous after Erika turned back, late but ultimately passing the ‘mission’. However, from there things got tricky. Both of the jagdpanzers were lost, and one of them defined their condition as ‘stuck’, and one of the panzer IIIs had been spotted about a kilometer off-course trying to navigate daytime traffic in a totally different area. 

Erika told those girls to make their own way back.

The “stuck” Jagdpanzer proved a unique problem. Frankly, if it wasn’t such a disaster Erika would be impressed by the level at which they’d managed to screw themselves. 

Conscious of Erika’s warnings about Jagdpanzers in tight streets where they couldn’t turn their gun, they’d elected to take a detour across a ‘small’ canal with concrete banks that were, coincidentally, just slightly shorter than the jagdpanzer itself. Unfortunately they didn’t pick up nearly enough speed, and now their front wheels were just connecting with the far bank, while their rear wheels were still sitting on the original bank. Moving forwards would drop the rear into the river and flood the engine, while reversing would destroy the gun.

Erika did consider just leaving it there, but after a bit of trigonometry and force resolution, she and one of the panzer IIIs hooked tow cables onto the top of the jagdpanzer’s chassis and towed it out without dipping it in the water too much. 

“Okay.” Erika sighed, stowing their tow cable. “How many have we got left?”

“Just two now, and neither are trapped.” Her radio operator replied, sticking her head out of the tank. “034 and 039. 039 says… They’re at the bottom of a really long staircase next to a hill.”

“Descriptive. Any idea where that is?”

She nodded. “I’ve worked out grid coords.”

“Great! Nearly finished. What about 034?” 

“Holding position as per orders last I checked, but they’ve been silent for a while.”

Erika resisted the urge to scream. _Who was teaching these girls to operate radios?_

“Alright, keep trying to hail them while we pick up 039.” She said, slipping back into the cupola. 

Fortunately the location of this ‘staircase’ wasn’t far, but unfortunately that meant Erika didn’t have many orders to give and so was forced to listen to her radio operator attempting to find 034. Quite how a whole tank could just disappear like this was beyond her-

“034?” The operator suddenly said, her head perking up in realisation. 

“Where are they?” Erika asked quickly, ducking in closer.

In reply, the operator took off her headset and turned up the volume. 

A tiny voice came through the headset, and Erika craned her head forward to listen in on the conversation. 

“We’ve just… we’ve decided… We wanna find our own way to the rendezvous point, so we moved out of radio for a bit, sorry!”

Erika was furious. _I told them to stay put!_ She made to speak, but the radio operator cut her off.

“You were given a direct order to maintain position for pickup, please just hold position and tell us exactly where you are.”

“Me and Sayano know we can find our way back from here, we promise!”

“What’s your position, right now?”

“L14, but-”

“We’re in L13, please just stay where you are and we’ll pick-”

A second, smaller voice interrupted. _“Wait, not that way!”_

 _“What other way was there?”_ A third voice argued. _“I went where you said!”_

_“There was a turning! Stop and reverse!”_

_“I can’t, there’s no room to turn and I can’t see!”_

Erika rolled her eyes and moved away again. If someone had told her that 034’s crew were actually spies from another school intentionally sabotaging their training, she’d only have disagreed because they were too good at it. 

“039, up ahead!” Erika’s driver called out. Thankful for the distraction from whatever 034 was doing, she stood up in the cupola. 039’s commander was waving sheepishly. 

They pulled up level so Erika could talk without shouting. They were indeed positioned with a staircase to their right, a steep narrow staircase that lead straight up a hill and was surrounded by buildings on both sides all the way up. 

“Sorry for the trouble.” The first year said apologetically, but Erika shook her head. 

“Listen, it’s fine. Let’s just get you back to the hangar, okay?”

“Thank you, we’re really sorry, but we learned a lot about navigation!”

“Mm.” Erika turned back to face the way they came. “If we head north up this street for a little while, it’ll be quite easy to- Wait, do you hear something?”

A faint sound hit Erika’s ears.

“No, I-” The girl began, but Erika raised a finger to cut her off. It was a faint rumble, a roar, like-

Like a tank.

The rumble was strange, and getting louder. If it was one of her panzers, something very strange was being done to it. 

Suddenly, something caught her attention in the corner of her eye. Something on the stairs. She glanced up, and then-

“Full reverse, _now!_ ” She yelled as quickly as she could. Her crew was used to sudden orders out of nowhere. 039 however, was not.

Her tank pulled back just in time to see 034 careen down the stairs and slam into the side of 039, which had only just began to move. The sound of the crash was deafening, a screech of metal on metal as 039 was punched to the side. Both tracks flew off, and when the dust had finally settled, 039 was sitting 2 metres to the left of where it had been before, with two thrown tracks and several ruined wheels.

In the wake of the cacophony, silence ruled. 

Fearing the worst, Erika leapt out of her tank. 039’s commander was slumped over her cupola, unable to get inside to safety to avoid the impact. Her long hair covered her face, and her hat was lost in the crash.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” she cried, scrambling up onto the battered vehicle. A quiet groan was just audible over the idling engines. She knelt down next to her, fearing the worst. “Can you talk?”

After a moment, the younger girl pushed herself up a little with a shaking arm, and croaked out a measly “Fine”. She was clearly winded, and held one hand to her ribs where they had been smashed against the inside of the turret. 

Satisfied that the girl wasn’t too seriously injured, Erika stepped down from 039 as the crew started to climb out and attend to their commander. Worry welled into relief, and then immediately soured into anger. She stalked over to 034’s tank, who were just starting to dazedly exit their own vehicle. They all had their own scrapes and scuffs, but nothing like the bruising that 039’s commander would undoubtedly receive. 

“What the hell were you _doing?”_ She roared, pointing at the crumpled panzer III and its crew. She couldn’t have done that much damage to it with the gun of her Tiger II. “I gave you a direct order to stay _put!_ ”

Before anyone could answer her, she took a breath and continued. “And this is what happens? You could have killed someone with that stupid stunt! And what? To restore your pride? If you make a mistake, acknowledge it, and let us fix it!”

She glared at 034’s crew, who looked suitably ashamed.

“Tankery is _dangerous!_ If you mess around carelessly, you could really hurt someone! I should court-martial every single one of you! And if her injury is any more serious than it looks, I just might!”

“W-we just thought- We’d seen on TV that-”

“When you see someone pulling a stunt like that, it’s because they’ve practiced long enough to pass a simple navigation test.” Erika hissed icily. “As punishment, you can tow 039’s panzer back, alone. I don’t care how long it takes. And when it’s back in the hangar, you can help them fix it. And because I apparently can’t trust you, we’re going to escort you all the way back.”

This time, nobody offered any excuses or disagreement.

After checking on 039’s commander a second time to make sure she was okay, and helping her up onto the panzer IV where the ride would be a little smoother, Erika settled into her cupola to stew in furious silence until they got back. The humiliation and bone-crushing slowness of the journey would hopefully give 034’s crew some time to reflect on their actions.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Erika yawned as she walked out past the hangars, watching the sun set on the sea. After that catastrophe, she’d decided to sort the paperwork out there and then, rather than let it sit until later. She’d written up a mission report she’d email to all the girls who took part, telling them exactly what went right, what went wrong, and what they’d need to improve on for next time. Then she’d had to sort out the paperwork for panzer 039. Both of the tracks were pretty damaged and needed repairs, and three wheels were completely broken. Other small fixes to the suspension were necessary, but thankfully they managed to get away without any serious damage to the hull. The track guards on 034 were pretty dented too, but they didn’t impede performance and could be hammered out again. 

After that, she’d gone to visit 039’s commander in the infirmary. Thankfully she’d just missed 034’s crew, who had come to apologise, which was good because they were the last people she wanted to see just then. Thankfully, the worst of the girl’s injuries (her name was Misato, as it turned out) was bruised ribs, which would keep her out of the tank for a couple of weeks but wouldn’t be any more serious than that. 

Finally, to round out her day, she checked in on the repairs for the Maus. Because it was such a rare vehicle (theirs was the only one on the high-school circuit) pretty much all the parts were bespoke and so it still wasn’t fixed after what Miho had done to it last year. Fortunately, they were now only waiting for a couple of parts to fix the transmission, and most of the tank was up and running again. 

So there was some good news, at least. 

Now the whole day was over, and Erika needed to head back to her apartment... to make dinner by herself. And sit alone in her room.

She stopped though, as the familiar rumble of a tank engine reached her ears. Looking around, she saw the one thing she’d wanted to avoid by working all day. 

Panzer 034 was trundling along outside the hangar, erratically turning left and right as if chasing after some kind of evasive small animal. As Erika drew closer, she realised that they had placed markers down - far too small for the driver to see from her slit of a viewport, but the commander could see them well enough if she stuck out of the turret. 

Erika paused, frowning. There wasn’t any practice scheduled, and fuel was a finite resource, but they had a huge budget and the tanks themselves were considered private property so there weren’t any rules explicitly forbidding this. A bit of extra-curricular training was encouraged for the most part, provided all fuel and ammo used was properly accounted for, and no cannons were discharged outside of designated areas and past certain times in the evening.

As she watched, 034 lurched to a sudden stop. A stall - she’d recognise that from a mile away. The commander waved her arms and pointed forward emphatically, but when the tank roared back into life, it rumbled backwards. Another painful halt as the panzer rolled back over one of the markers, and the engine died once again.

Sighing, Erika hurried over to them.

By the time she reached the beleaguered tank, the engine had started again but apparently wasn’t going anywhere. The commander was now inside the tank up to her armpits, and was yelling down at her crew. The crew were clearly replying, but whatever they were saying was completely drowned out by the engine and the confines of the tank itself. 

They were so absorbed, in fact, that none of them even noticed Erika hauling herself up onto the chassis. Only when she squatted down next to the turret did the commander spot her out of the corner of her eye, and almost leapt clear out of the tank with surprise. 

“C-Commander?” She stammered, looking ready to cry.

“What’s going on here?” She asked, perhaps a little more venomously than she’d intended. But if they’d managed to wreck the transmission by pushing the engine too hard, she’d be furious. Those were very expensive to replace, and they weren’t even supposed to be using the tank at this time. 

034’s commander stammered out something unintelligible, gesturing vaguely. Erika gritted her teeth. Sometimes, you just had to do everything yourself. _Did Maho ever have to deal with this?_

She banged twice on the radio operator’s hatch. 

“Open up.” She ordered, and was pleasantly surprised to see the hatch fly open a second later. As soon as the hatch was open she was subjected to a barrage of noise.

Inside, the loader and radio operator were staring at her with eyes like saucers, their mouths clamped shut. The gunner was patting the shoulder of the yelling driver, whose head was in her hands. 

“I’m sorry, okay?” She shouted at the floor.” I’m trying and I’m trying but I’m just no _good_ and there’s so much to think about, and when you shout orders I just panic and then the- the tank stalls and it’s stressful and then you’re angry at me for _that_ and I can’t-”

Erika cleared her throat loudly. The driver and gunner whipped around to face her too now, so there were four pairs of eyes fixed on her. Unlike the commander, the driver didn’t look like she was about to cry. Instead, she already was crying, and was having a lot of trouble stopping. 

In that moment, staring into those red puffy eyes, all of Erika’s anger and frustration dissipated, like a steam engine releasing all its pressure. Whatever she was about to say faltered at the back of her throat and she just stared at them for a moment.

They stared back.

“Alright… everyone out.” She mumbled after far too long. She hopped off the tank and stood to one side as the crew slowly clambered out. The driver was sniffling uncontrollably, and the gunner stood close to her, as if protectively. 

As soon as they were all out of the tank and standing in front of her, Erika made to speak but was cut off by the commander.

“I’m sorry, Commander!” She said for what felt like far too many times that week. “We didn’t mean to cause any trouble, only we felt so bad for what we did earlier that we had to run some extra drills to try and get better so you wouldn’t need to get angry-” She cut herself off.

_So you didn’t need to get angry._

“Are… Are you gonna kick us out?” The radio operator asked quietly.

The words cut like a knife.

 _It’s not like I’m angry for no reason,_ she thought indignantly, fighting against the guilt rising in her stomach. She expected a lot of these girls, because she wanted them to succeed! She held them to a high standard because she wanted them to have high expectations of themselves! And now a girl was quite badly hurt, because they’d ignored orders!

That said, it didn’t seem to be working. All five girls looked extremely stressed out, and quite frankly terrified to be standing in front of her. 

_Was I ever scared of Maho? Are the Oarai girls ever scared of Miho?_ The latter thought was almost laughable. Miho wasn’t scary, and hardly ever even lost her temper. And yet… A group of untrained rookies followed her and trusted her to the championship title. Maybe she _was_ being too rough. 

They’d only disobeyed and acted out because they were scared of being shouted at again, not because they didn’t take this seriously.

Erika sighed and tried to think of the calmest, most soothing people she knew. Miho, Koume… Darjeeling?

“No, I’m not getting rid of any of you.” She said at last. “You all deserve another chance.”

The tension dropped a little, but there was still a tangible discomfort in the air.

“Okay, what went wrong?” she asked, in what she hoped was a passably supportive tone. “Is anything broken?” She was eager to change the subject onto something constructive, at least.

“Besides my stupid _brain-_ ” the driver began, but the gunner stopped her by rubbing her arm comfortingly. 

“With the tank.” Erika specified. “Any transmission issues, are the gears okay?”

“Y-yeah… Everything’s fine.” The gunner replied simply. 

Erika tried not to look outwardly relieved. That almost definitely wouldn’t help things. 

“Alright. What were you trying to do? Can you show me? I’ve driven the Panzer III before, I might be able to help.”

“I’m not trying to do anything special, I’m just.. It’s just…” 

“Are you panicking?” Erika asked, trying to be helpful. She felt like she’d gotten to the bottom of the issue now, and she didn’t feel great about contributing to it. 

The girl just nodded sullenly. The gunner had a light grip on the driver’s sleeve.

“Well, that’s important. In a match, there’s going to be a lot of pressure, and the situation is going to change fast. That’s why-”

“That’s why I gotta get a grip and stop crying, I _know._ ” The driver cut across her. The commander looked like she’d just committed treason, but Erika didn’t bite back. 

“That’s why, you’ve got to feel comfortable and in control in there.” Erika finished. “Look, get back inside and we’ll go through what you were trying to do. No shouting, no pressure, take as long as you need.” The words came out before Erika even considered their meaning. Was she not exhausted and stressed out herself?

The driver nodded, and the girls turned back towards their tank. But Erika, still feeling more than a little embarrassed, cut in again. “Just the two of us, actually. Do you mind standing and watching a moment?”

“Uhh, no ma’am.” The gunner said, awkwardly releasing her grip on the driver. 

In silence, the pair got back into the tank, the driver climbing back in through the chassis and Erika lowering herself through the cupola. Even just looking at her back, Erika could tell she was stiff and anxious.

“Relax your shoulders and take a deep breath.” Erika offered, trying not to sound like she was giving an order. 

The driver thankfully listened and complied, and after allowing her a few more breaths, she spoke again. 

“Alright, that’s great. Now, whenever you’re ready.”

The driver turned the engine over again, and got it into gear on the first try. Erika stood up, and thankfully could see that they were moving forwards as planned. 

Over the next twenty minutes, the little panzer slowly made its way through the convoluted course that its crew had set out for it. Beyond telling her when to turn and how fast she should be moving Erika didn’t say much, but every so often mumbled words of encouragement or praise. They felt weird and hollow coming out of her mouth, and the driver didn’t reply, but when they reached the end of the course Erika could actually feel herself smiling for the first time in what felt like a month. It wasn’t a big victory. Hell, it was hardly a victory at all! But it was something, and she enjoyed the change in pace.

“There you go. Great job.” Erika said, climbing out onto the turret. 

“Uhh, thanks!” The driver replied, looking up at her through the cupola as she stepped out.

“I didn’t do anything really,” Erika admitted. “You knew how to drive her, you just needed to clear your head for a moment.”

“You should run this one again with your crew though,” she continued loudly, noticing that the others were approaching. “So you get comfortable with everyone else in the tank with you. It’s cramped, but you all need to feel completely at home in there, and doing everything you need to.”

“Yes Commander!” 

As 034’s commander clambered up onto the turret, she smiled brightly at Erika. Despite herself, Erika found herself returning the smile, but with a little less gusto. 

“Thanks, Commander. For being patient with us. And for… letting us stay.”

“It’s not about my patience, she replied, finally understanding fully. “Thank you all for giving it everything, even after I shouted at you so many times.”

“No problem!” She perked up after that. “We wanna be the best!” 

“Then keep it up, and maybe one day you will be!” Erika replied, letting the young commander take her place. She waved goodbye, and left them to it. 

That night Erika finally got to bed with a smile on her face, and for once didn’t miss Miho quite so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Erika finally learning not to be such a sourpuss? Is she going to loosen up in all walks of life? Is this the first step in finding her own Tankery? Will 034's crew ever get names?
> 
> Find out next week, on The Itsumi Way!


	4. Chapter 4

Monday bought new days and new challenges, but for once Erika didn’t find herself meeting it with grim determination. For once, her morning run felt more like a refreshing activity than a habitual obligation. 

Morning practice was good too - for a start, a certain tank’s crews were still handling repairs so she didn’t have to face that specific awkward situation, but also because everything went smoothly and Erika found herself reasonably pleased with proceedings. That saidl, there was the faint sensation that everyone was just pushing through the exercise on autopilot.

Classes passed in the usual fashion, holding Erika’s attention just enough that she could do the required work but not enough that she held any real enthusiasm for it. 

Straight after morning class she headed to the tankery HQ, to deal with the usual mountain of paperwork was waiting for her. Mostly minor property damage forms she’d have to sign off responsibility for after Sunday’s debacle. 

“Hey, have you had lunch yet?” Koume asked, tapping a sheaf of documents on her desk to straighten the paper. 

“...No, I came straight here.” Erika replied distractedly, stamping off a supply request. 

“Me too. Do you… Wanna have lunch with me? I heard about this place that sells great bretzels.” 

“Oh, I made my own-” Erika began, but faltered when she glanced across at Koume. 

She was wearing a hopeful smile, and for a moment Erika got a strange feeling, caught by Koume’s warm brown eyes. 

“I mean, I don’t see why not? Let me just clear a couple more of these forms and we’ll go.”

“Great!” Koume replied with a gentle smile. 

Erika cleared her throat awkwardly, and returned to her work. That was a very bizarre interaction. Still, she’d been hoping to talk to Koume after what happened yesterday. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

“You know, I’ve actually got you to thank for something,” Erika began as they sat down. The cafe Koume had taken her to was a pretty cosy little place, feeling very much like an old, traditional German establishment rather than the modern Japanese creation that it really was. The brezel was warm and sweet-smelling in her hands. 

“Oh? What did I do?” Koume asked, looking genuinely surprised.

“Well, it’s about 034, actually.” Erika said, and Koume made a face.

“I’m sorry yesterday went so badly, Erika…” She said awkwardly. “I heard about what happened while you were picking up the other tanks.” 

“Not your fault, don’t worry.” She said, shaking her head. “And it turned out okay in the end.”

Despite herself, she shivered at the thought of Misato’s limp body dangling out of the cupola. _Narrowly_ okay.

“Did something happen afterwards?”

“Actually, yeah. After I’d finished writing up all the paperwork, I ended up seeing the girls from 034 again, trying to run some drills outside the hangar.”

“Oh? How were they doing?” She asked, with a bit of a smile. “Did they learn their lesson?”

“Not even slightly, they were terrible.” Erika replied, and Koume’s expression dropped like a stone.

“But!” She continued quickly, noticing how awful the story sounded. “I realised how… Ultimately, that was my fault.”

“It was?”

“Yeah. Remember what you said to me, before I left? ‘Go easy on them’? Well… I wish I’d started sooner. Those girls, they’re scared of me, you know?”

Koume’s reaction was one of discomfort, not surprise. Not a pleasant feeling. 

“They were freaking out and making mistakes because they were scared of messing up in front of me. I can’t lead through fear, nobody’s going to get better if they just spend the whole time waiting for me to yell at them for slipping up!”

Koume didn’t reply, but her sympathetic expression encouraged Erika to continue.

“But I can’t help it! I just get so mad whenever people screw around or mess up! We’re in such a vulnerable position now! Maho’s gone, our winning streak is over, and Miho’s… Well, you know. On the enemy team.” Speaking Miho’s name again opened up a chasm that had been poorly covered by the last few day’s events. “I’ve got the biggest shoes in the world to fill, and if we fail, it’ll be because I wasn’t good enough.”

“Don’t say it like that,” Koume replied, frowning sadly. “It’s not right to place everything on your own shoulders. Didn’t Maho need you, when she was in command?”

“Not really.” Erika muttered. “I mean, she did a bit, but she always knew exactly what she needed to do, how to do it and when.” Maho was the quintessential lady of the tank, everyone knew it. Perhaps Erika was exaggerating a little to reinforce her point, but Maho was always a girl with steel skin and a 90mm armour-piercing stare. 

“Maybe…” Koume paused while she looked for the right words. “Maybe that’s because this was always her school? Maho was always deliberate and precise, and led through silent expectation. And you’re…”

“A screaming brat?” Erika offered. “I must look like Katyusha sometimes.”

“You’re passionate!” Koume replied diplomatically. “You’re struggling to fill Maho’s shoes because you can’t do the same things that she can.”

“You can say that again.” Erika grumbled, taking a bite of her bretzel. Even in her sudden sour mood, it was pretty great. 

“But!” Koume said, clearly trying to save the mood. “Maybe you should think about the good you did!”

“It was a really satisfying feeling to get stuck in like that…” Erika mused. Maho never would have done that. _Would she have needed to?_

“I bet! That’s good leadership, you should remember that feeling! And please try and consider - if we’re gonna be the best, we’ve all got to learn. And while a lot of us are gonna learn from you, you’ve gotta learn from us, too!”

“Perceptive, aren’t you? You sure you shouldn’t be in charge?” Erika asked with a smile. 

“Don’t make fun of me, I’m trying to help!” Koume replied, and for that brief moment Erika wasn’t sure if she took it seriously or not.

“I know, I know. And you are.” She replied, as comfortingly as she could. “I guess I’m just defensive about being reminded that I’m not perfect.” 

“Nobody is, but I’m proud to be led by you nonetheless.”

“Heh, thanks.” Erika chuckled. But then she had a thought. “Actually, talking about putting you in charge… Would you mind being my lieutenant? I don’t really have one right now, and I’d appreciate someone to tell me when I’m going too far again.”

“Oh! Um, well I’d be honoured!” Koume said, looking a little taken aback. “I’m not sure I'm qualified, though…”

“You’re one of the most experienced girls in the school.” Erika reminded her. “Besides, you’re not scared of me. I appreciate that.” 

The rest of lunch was concluded pretty much in silence, but Erika was still thankful for the company. It was nice to get out of the “office”, and not just eat the same things she cooked in her apartment the night before. 

Before heading back to afternoon classes, they agreed to meet up for lunch again soon, and Erika reluctantly offered to find the location next time. Honestly she couldn’t think of a single place - she was too regimental and focussed to be fussing around over chic cafes and other such nonsense.

That said… This had been nice, despite her best efforts to sour the atmosphere with her shitty attitude. Maybe she should put more effort into trying to make friends?

Koume was a lovely girl, and even from a purely business-based perspective she was an excellent tank commander with a lot of wisdom. Erika really enjoyed the time they’d spent together over the last few days too. There was just one problem.

Koume was friends with Miho. 

This shouldn’t have been rare in Kuromorimine, but in all honesty it was. Miho had been respected before, to be sure - even before she found her own way she was as much a tankery prodigy as her sister. But her lack of confidence and other... personal issues had prevented her from getting close to most of their classmates. Koume was different, of course. They were both sweet as honey and kind to a fault, and Miho had… well, saved her life. It was no surprise that their friendship would have lasted.

At Maho’s suggestion, and for her own wellbeing, she was trying to get over Miho. Getting cosy with her closest friend at the school seemed antithetical to this goal.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Such thoughts consumed her for the rest of the day, though evening practice had offered a small reprise. She had decided to roll out her new tactic of patience to the rest of the tankery team. It hadn’t made a huge difference right away, but she appreciated how 034 didn’t regard her with outright terror anymore. 

After practice, she had remained in the hangar, to do a little maintenance and put off any paperwork waiting for her upstairs. 

“Commander Istumi!” A voice broke her out of her reverie.

“What is it?” Erika asked. She looked up from what she was doing - oiling the tank ring of her beloved Tiger II. Her hands were filthy, and she likely had some on her face as well. Maintenance was a good, brainless task that let her reflect on the day’s events. However, today it hadn’t brought her any revelations. 

“Priority hail - from the British!”

“Gloriana’s?” Erika asked, mostly out of rhetorical surprise than a need for any clarification. “Thank you. Tell them I’ll be up in a moment. Who’s asking for me?”

The girl nodded. “Commander Pekoe, ma’am.” And with that, she dashed off again. 

_Pekoe? Interesting choice._ Erika thought idly, rubbing her hands clean with the cloth before tucking it into her pocket. The girls loved to act as though the whole thing really was a military operation, and for the most part Erika enjoyed indulging it. She essentially lived like she was in the army anyway, and if she was honest the roleplay was rather fun. The fact that the other schools insisted so strongly on living up to their own cultural stereotypes only made it more enjoyable.

Eager not to make Pekoe wait, she hurried back upstairs to HQ. Maho had kept a pretty good relationship going with Darjeeling while the two had still been with their respective schools, and Erika intended to maintain the relationship as best she could. Darjeeling was one of the few school Commanders who didn’t seem in the slightest intimidated by Maho’s presence or reputation. Actually, Erika couldn’t remember if she’d ever seen Darjeeling with any expression other than mild interest and amusement. 

The phone was waiting for her when she arrived at her desk. It was a painfully old-fashioned thing, designed to resemble the antique devices used by german officers in the 40s, much like all their field equipment. Erika considered this a bit excessive considering the fact that they used modern computers and printers, but apparently such things were ‘vital for immersion’. 

She picked up the phone, cleared her throat and brought it up to her face.

“Erika Itsumi speaking.” She said. She wasn’t sure what the best protocol was for introducing herself like this - calling herself the Commander seemed a bit stuck up - but at the same time, they were rivals. 

“It’s been too long! Orange Pekoe here.” Her voice was just as delicate and polite as she remembered. Orange Pekoe had always been a rather timid lieutenant of Darjeeling’s, and though they hadn’t spoken much before, Erika thought she was nice, if a bit weak-willed.

“Good to hear from you.” Erika said truthfully. “I take it you’re in charge of St Gloriana’s now. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Can I not just be calling for a friendly chat?” Pekoe asked, and Erika heard a soft giggle from her. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“No, just some routine maintenance to clear my head.” Erika saw no reason to be dishonest. “How are things on the Ark Royal?”

“Quiet, without Darjeeling.” Orange Pekoe admitted. “I think all of the girls still miss her. But I’m sure you understand. It’s a lot of pressure to be stepping up, isn’t it?”

“It is.” Erika replied, refusing to elaborate. She didn’t want to discuss the Maho-shaped hole in her heart with someone she’d almost definitely be fighting this year. “I hardly get a second to myself.”

“Time is a storm in which we are all lost, wouldn’t you say?” Pekoe replied, in a voice clearly reminiscent of, but sadly lacking, that knowing tone with which Darjeeling spoke. 

Erika stifled a laugh. It didn’t sound right coming from Pekoe. “Was that an impression?”

“Trying to relive the past, I think.” Pekoe replied, a hint of solemness in her tone. “I do quite a good impression, if I do say so myself, but I fear nobody will recognise it soon.”

“Perhaps someone will be doing impressions of you, soon?” Erika ventured. She hoped that was a kind thing to say. _What happened to the British stiff upper lip? I feel like a phone therapist._

Fortunately, Orange Pekoe laughed. “Hopefully! Still, speaking of our legacies, I admit that I didn’t just call up for a chat.”

“Oh?”

“Well, I was wondering if I might be able to cut the teeth of my girls against your steel tigers, so to speak.” Orange Pekoe said cryptically. “This year’s tournament will be starting in a couple of months, and I’d like to show my new recruits what we’ll be up against, if you don’t mind.”

“An exhibition match?” Erika asked, trying to gauge if she’d properly deciphered Orange Pekoe’s language. 

“Precisely! Is that alright with you?” 

“I don’t see why not. Where and when?”

Over the next few minutes, Orange Pekoe detailed her intentions for an upcoming exhibition match, and Erika quickly wrote everything down. She’d have to clear the stop-over in the port Pekoe was describing with the navigation studies girls, but tankery held a huge sway in Kuromorimine so she’d probably get her way without too much sacrifice in return.

Pekoe also insisted on making all of the preparations land-side, which Erika was secretly very happy to let her get on with, citing some favour that Maho had done for Gloriana’s last year that she was returning. So long as Erika got a chance to investigate the map with enough time in advance, she didn’t really mind. St Gloriana’s could always be trusted not to pull any funny stuff. 

After that, they said their goodbyes, and Erika put down the phone. 

Now she had work to do.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Orange Pekoe**

“Perfect!” Orange Pekoe said, setting down the phone with a smile.

She sat at St Gloriana’s opulent Commander’s chair at the desk previously occupied by Darjeeling. Though she’d grown a little since last year, the huge padded back of the chair swallowed her up. She felt that she looked a little comical, but was confident she’d grow into it.

“Did Erika agree to the match?” Assam asked, sitting nearby on Pekoe’s left. Her position within St Gloriana’s command structure actually hadn’t changed. She was far too good at gathering intelligence and compiling data for a start, but honestly there wasn’t much further she could climb, without sitting in Pekoe’s seat. 

“She did! As you suspected. I trust you’ll be able to assess their most likely line-up?”

“No problem. What are we fielding?”

“Mostly cruisers, I think. We’ll take the Churchill though, she’s our figurehead.”

“Are we going to take any of our… newer purchases?” Assam asked. She was looking directly across at Orange Pekoe now, over her reading glasses. 

“Well, this is just an exhibition match,” Orange Pekoe said gently, before sipping on her tea. “Still, this would be a perfect training opportunity… Rose?” Pekoe turned across to her right, where her second-in-command was sitting. 

“Y-yeah?” Rose blurted out, having clearly been lost in concentration up until now. 

“Do you think you’ll be ready for the exhibition match?”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah we’ll be ready.” She looked a little frazzled by the sudden attention. For all her energy and confidence inside a tank, Rose hip was surprisingly jumpy and easy to fluster elsewhere. 

“Perfect! We’ll be relying on you, then.” Pekoe said, before settling down to do her paperwork. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her two lieutenants exchanging glances, and Rose started blushing. She rolled her eyes, but smiled to herself nonetheless. She remembered that feeling all too well.

“We’ll start training in earnest from tomorrow,” she remarked to the room in general, her tone polite. “Make sure that the girls do their homework on Kuromorimine’s tactics from championship footage. I know this is only a friendly match, but I’d very much like to win.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's chapter 4!! Sorry it's getting updated a little later than planned, turns out that even with the world crashing down around our ears, I can't always find the time to write. Plus, that conversation between Erika and Koume turned out to be harder to write than I thought it'd be! In the end I wrote and scrapped it about three times, and the last version was nearly twice as long.
> 
> As a result it's only a short chapter this time, but please let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Also, I'm gonna retroactively add a bold subtitle when the character viewpoint changes. I don't know if it's entirely necessary, but I feel like it'll make it a little easier to read.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this as a bit of an exploration into why Erika is so "like that" in the series and Der Film, but it got me thinking about other fun headcanons with the characters, and developed into a bit of a story where I can explore them. Let's see where this goes!


End file.
